not yet.

im not quite stoned enough yet, gonna load another bowl. there we go. thats a little better. i dont really know what to write about though. in general i just feel very like...out of control. not that im doing wild things, just that i dont have the control to change or affect anything in my life. im so at a loss as to what i should do with tom. after our last serious talk things are actually...going ok. its only been like a day but im sort of shocked. i had pretty much already written him off, started talking to aaron, and now this. i kind of dont want it to work because then what am i going to do? aaron...again. god. and all the crap i've talked about tom. and really, theres no way he can change as much as i need him too. right? will i start to become physically attracted to him? because thats sort of an issue too. money. lord. my money problems, still going on. i cant even talk about it. everything else is just so like, confusing. it seems that in some way everything comes back to those two problems. love life, and money. they really do influence a lot. at least in my life. fuck.